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The three stages of stress

11/28/2014

1 Comment

 
Three Stages of Stress
The body goes into overwhelm if the stress hormones are used up, or if the stressor continues to be a stressor over a period of time. The longer the period of time that the stress remains unresolved, the greater the discomfort. This overwhelming stress compiles. This happens in stages. The signs of this stress and it's stages can be observed in the eyes. 
In this blog, information is provided, as well as examples to assist anyone, so that they may benefit as we so greatly have. A personal experience of healing in our relationship is given in the blog: 'It Is Written On Your Face'.

Stress
is not all bad. Initially, stress benefits us by producing the momentum needed to deal with the stressor as it happens. 
First, we become alert to something that is often felt as a negative body reaction. Next, stress hormones are released by the body. For example, this may feel like an adrenaline rush experienced by a close call or shock. Extra strength or speed for a 'fight or flight'  response is the outcome. 
What causes this stress is often a matter of whether we are in a position of CHOICE. Do I say YES or NO, do I move away or stay still, do I speak or remain silent? Is it best to do nothing or something? Will this hurt me or help me? Of course, when I have no stress and I feel I have choice(s), there is no stress. So...no problem, no issue, no stress... but life is not that perfect! At least, not in mine, all the time. Do you relate?

Let's look at what happens physically with the eyes in relationship to the hormonal changes, when stress is introduced. In the blog, 'It Is Written On Your Face', a personal story in collaboration with the second party, I have described the experience of moving into and through the process of healing.

In this blog, information is provided, as well as experiences to assist anyone that may benefit as we so greatly have.
First Stage Stress
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An Example:
This person has JUST experienced a shock or stressor. This experience is usually within the last few hours. Example:
they have just received a call that a loved one was hit by a car! 
The body reacts by preparing for 'fight or flight'. 
Conscious thinking becomes limited. They feel out of balance and negative about the PRESENT experience. They may appear rigid or dazed. They are trying to maintain stability and just get through this experience. 
If they could communicate they would say: 'I am right now physically insensitive to my conflicts.' 

However, in their 'face language', they are speaking loud and clear. Often we are looking right into their eyes and do not know what we are seeing or how to assist them (or myself!).
The visual description is: glassy, dull and tired looking eyes. the deer in the headlight look!

Here are examples of first stage stress:
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Second Stage Stress
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An Example:
This person has been under on-going stress for hours or days. One eye rotates upward and weakens their depth perception. This causes them to be 'an accident waiting to happen'. This person cannot clearly see the options in front of them to resolve the stressor. This creates the likelihood of rash decision making. They are not amused by their present experience. Outwardly, they appear un-accepting and negative. They really just want to free themselves from the trap of the stressor and to be happy again. They feel trapped due to continued stress and feel hostility. They are NOT in tune with any positive alternatives and NOT choosing to seek them out.
What is being communicated is: 'I am right now unable to focus clearly on my conflicts'.
The visual expression of second stage stress is: white shows under one eye.

Here are examples of second stage stress:
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Third Stage Stress
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An Example:
This person has been under stress for a long period of time. This time period can be anywhere from a few days to years. This person is preoccupied with their stressor. Therefore, they have a very hard time staying present or hearing you. They are looking for a solution by focusing on the past or future. They feel beyond control of the situation. They appear unavailable, melancholy and are quick to react in anger. They desperately desire an end to the feelings of separation from their happiness and choice. They are feeling deserted, hysterical (irrational), hopeless and alone without resolving the situation. They are feeling not at-one-with self in present time. They are reflecting on the un-resolvable problem (again and again and again). They are not feeling proud; they are not aware of any positive alternatives or positive outcomes for the situation, which has been stressful for a long period of time.
What is being communicated is: 'I am right now unable to resolve my conflicts'.

The visual expression of third stage stress is: white showing under both eyes.

Here are examples of third stage stress:
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Through the wisdom of one's 'face language', we can communicate visually what might not be possible to communicate verbally. The facial structure is expressing what the individual may not even be aware of: that there is something out of balance and is asking to be restored. Whether we see one of these traits in the mirror, or on a friend's face, we do not need to go through this alone. 

If you, or someone you love, is exhibiting these signs of Stress, there is a solution. Debaura provides a safe and gentle environment in which to do so.  
1 Comment

It is written on your face!

11/27/2014

0 Comments

 
Let me begin with a personal story, which is a collaboration of the two characters involved...

I have someone in my life who is very near and dear to me. I have noticed that when we sit over tea and chat, there is something that comes over this individual.

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This person becomes quiet, withdrawn and numb. There is no emotional availability in the moment no matter what I do or say, or not. This creates stress for me and I begin to take this personally. I start thinking that this is caused by something I have done or said and I begin to question myself. I become fearful of any further involvement and it feels like I am about to walk on eggshells. I know that in the moment I need to get far away from this experience. I feel unsafe. I do not know what this person may do next, if anything. I want to go into full on protective mode whatever that may entail.

It is not a new feeling. I have seen it before in my training and life experiences. I want to help and to understand what is taking place yet I feel torn inside by my need to get away.

I know I am not alone with this feeling, nor is this individual. I have chosen to share with this person rather than walk away or ignore the situation.

It turns out that they are unaware themselves what comes over them. Through talking with them, it has become apparent that I am aware of the change in behavior way before this person is.
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I have learned through my extensive training that I can look at this person's eyes and see that they are under stress. There are three stages of stress. Each stage of stress corresponds with a different physical appearance of the eyes. To explain further, I can see what stage of stress they are in, whether it is from an immediate issue or from a long term, unresolved issue.

In my relationship with this person I have used this knowledge. When I look at their eyes and see more white than usual, I know that they are withdrawing due to some issue-this issue could be a feeling, a thought, an event or a memory. When I've brought it up with them, they are unaware that their behavior is changing and that this change is affecting me.

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However, when I've called upon my knowledge that this person is under some form of stress by looking at their eyes, I have been able to bring it to their attention. It certainly causes some tension when I address their change in both physical appearance and behavior.

This person has shared with me that they feel vulnerable and embarrassed because they are unaware of what is happening to them. They feel angry and frustrated that they are unable to control the changes in the moment and that they don't know how to do it differently...whatever 'it' is.

This has been happening in our relationship for many years. When I first attempted to bring it up, I was met with resistance and got a lot of their anger directed at me. However, through time (a lot of time), this person has allowed themselves to open up to me. They are currently willing to listen to me when I bring 'it' to their attention. Although there is still initial resistance from this person (and I can tell that they go through an internal processing of emotions), they will take a pause and look at what might be going on for them.

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In the past when this person would externalize their frustration and anger, they thought that 'it' was about me, that I had in fact done something that wasn't okay with them. As we talked through it over the years (again and again), this person realized that 'it' wasn't so much about me.

They recognized that they blamed me for their feelings of anger and frustration-they thought that these feelings were caused by me. The reality was that the feelings were triggered by the issue and I was simply pointing out that there was an issue. It had been a case of 'shooting the messenger', while resisting the gift.

Both of us have had thoughts of "Oh no...not this again. How do I get through this? And, what is this? WTF??" 

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The good (great!) news is that we are no longer in that place. The person listens when I tell them "you have whites under your eyes, please take time to look at the issue that is up for you". 

This gives the person permission to take space for themselves and delve into what the heck is happening for them in the moment, which is causing such ripple effects outwards to others (me in this case). Often, it can involve us taking a time out from each other. This person has been known to go for walks alone to think or feel it out. Sometimes, they will journal (for various amounts of time). These moments might be followed up by an emotional release (this process has involved much crying, not a bad thing!).

Essentially, this knowledge followed by space allows the person to get in touch with themselves...and honor what the issue is that is causing stress.

After these moments of taking the space and time that we both need, it turns out that something has happened...this person's issue, their 'it' has been resolved. I no longer feel on guard or responsible for their problem nor their solution.

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We re-connect. The space has actually created an intimacy between the two of us... this has certainly involved time, effort and patience (tied in with some impatience too). We have both learned to respect this process. Neither of us enjoy when these experiences come up because they are uncomfortable!! We have also learned that to go through them brings us closer together. Cheesy? Maybe. But so true.

Now, we can (somewhat) laugh at these moments as they happen and say "Okay, another uncomfortable and miserable moment for us...you go do your thing and I'll do mine. See you later when we're through this." And so, we go work 'it' through in our own ways... which might be crying, journaling, walking, prayer, mediation, talking it out with someone else, throwing rocks...whatever. This process resolves an issue that has not been resolved in the past for this individual. Ultimately, these are experiences that come up for healing. The two of us, as well as our relationship, are much better for taking the risks involved in working through these experiences!

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What's here for me to learn about myself
and others that isn't immediately apparent?
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